Riley and Anthony wanted to go to the Boys & Girls Club yesterday. Since it was raining anyway, I figured it would be a good plan for the day. When I picked them up later, Anthony had been written up for talking back to staff three times! Good grief! The only instructions I gave him when I had dropped him off were to do what the teachers told him and not talk back. There are days I would love to just wash his mouth out with soap..........but I don't. I'm guessing he's one of those kids that other people would say, "If I had him in my house for a few days, he wouldn't talk back like that!" They can feel free to live with him full time for a few weeks!
People have the mistaken impression that it's easier to raise an adopted child the earlier that they come into your home. That's not necessarily true. An older child has logic and words. They know what they are missing and it makes them angry and sad. Although they may be angry or have negative behaviors at times, they can verbalize what the issues are, if you let them. With a younger child, they usually don't even realize that they have a huge hole of loss and trauma, so they have no good way to express it. And they feel guilty for even feeling that way. A lot of the time, we expect them NOT to be traumatized because they've been with us for so long.
Anthony's been with us since he was almost two. Whereas Riley and Zeke came to us with severe issues, Anthony looked like a cute little boy with no issues. Riley and Zeke have come a long way, both physically and in discontinuing negative behaviors. So in the public's eye, they are doing really well. By extention, we are perceived as parenting really well.
Anthony, on the other hand, is now seven and his behaviors are continuing to worsen. Although the therapy has helped immensely this year, he still has a really hard time controlling his body, his words and his anger. Although his anger doesn't seem to be directed towards friends. It is mostly towards siblings and authority figures.
For my part, I just didn't have the emotional energy to deal with it in the ways I should have this year. Working with the Head Start kids with special needs took even more out of me than I thought, expecially the behavioral special needs. I'm realizing how much now that I'm not there. I need to regain a lot of intentional parenting with Anthony. One of the biggest things is that he is a very touchy kid and I am not. I need to get back out of my comfort zone and give him what he needs and not what I want.
Dang parenting!
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