What They Don't Understand

Sophia's preschool class was going on a field trip to a pumpkin patch today. She'd been talking excitedly about it for days. We dropped off all the other kids and drove towards the preschool. She chatted happily all the way there.........until we pulled into the school parking lot. Then she started to cry. I coaxed her out of the van and Steve had to carry her into the preschool. Once inside, she continued crying and clung to me like her life depended on it. I could sense the teachers and other parents watching.

A few years ago, I would have been overwhelmed by the feelings of parenting inadequacy. To be honest, I do still feel a little of that. There's nothing like having my kids exhibit their negative behaviors in public around parents of "typical" children.

Adults thoughts, and unfortunately words, go something like this:
Why is that kid crying all the time!?
All kids go through that. It's just a phase.
Just leave her. When my kid cries, I just leave them. They'll be fine.
You spoil her too much.

What they don't understand:
For a typical young child, when the significant people in his/her life go away, the child learned that they will come back.
For 4 out of 6 of my children (and myself), when the significant people in his/her life go away, we learned from a very young age that those people are never seen again.

To say this makes transitions and change difficult is a massive understatement.

What I did:
First of all, I concentrated on Sophia instead of the other parents. Once I was focused on her, I could concentrate on what she needed. I got down to her level and hugged her tightly against me and talked softly to her. She calmed down a little. Then I talked her through exactly what was going to happen today. You are going to go into your classroom to play for a while. Then your teacher will have you and your friends get your coats on. Next, you'll get on the bus and ride to the pumpkin patch to pick pumpkins. When you're done, you'll come back to your classroom. Grandma will pick you up, take you for lunch and then I 'll pick you up at grandma's house. So I'll see you again after lunch. I told her that her teacher would hold her until she was ready to play and I passed her off to her teacher. By the time I picked her up, she could hardly contain her excitement about her field trip!

I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not about what other people think.
It's about helping my children develop into healthy adults.
And maybe learning a little about myself along the way ;)
.