Not Quite Normal

I've been posting a lot about the house and fun pictures but there's more to our lives. Even though it usually looks on the outside like we have it all together as a family, we really don't. It's continually a learning process and struggle. I think all parents would say the same thing but there are things in our life that are definitely far different from "regular" families.

We are not quite normal, whatever normal is.

Here's just a sampling of some of the differences:

Stealing

When I come home, I can't just hang up my purse. Every single time, I have to take my debit card and any cash and lock it into this small safe with a combination lock. If I get lazy and don't, most of the time, the money will disappear by the time I get back to it. I have two children who will steal. I can't even count the number of times things have gone missing in our house. It's hard on me but probably even harder on siblings. Thankfully, we have one child who used to steal but has finally come to understand the value of personal property.

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Birth Families

 We have a lot of interaction with all types of birth families. This picture is of Sophia's bio paternal grandma and two of Sophia's half siblings. We ran into them at a boy scout spaghetti feed. The healthy connections are fine but there is a lot of pressure on me to make sure the situation stays appropriate for Sophia. All of these relationships are complicated.

Bio connections we maintain:

Sophia's bio mom, maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins

Sophia's paternal grandma, aunt, uncle and half-siblings

Riley, Zeke and Anthony's maternal grandparents, step-grandparents, aunts and uncle

Riley and Zeke's bio dad, paternal grandma, aunt and cousin

My bio mom, brothers, nieces and nephews

Some of my maternal aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives

Bio connections we don't maintain:

Sophia's bio father (In prison for statutory rape)

Riley, Zeke and Anthony's bio mom (our choice to maintain very limited contact)

Anthony's bio father (he has never had any contact and willingly gave up rights at birth)

My bio father & family (his choice)

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Special Needs

We have a son with cerebral palsy. In a lot of ways, he's just like other kids but in other ways, he's quite different. We've spent significant amount of time in the hospital over the past few years and gone to many hours of various therapies. It takes Zeke a lot longer to do things than other children, both physically and developmentally. He's already progressed from crawling at age 4, to walking with the aid of a walker, to complicated surgeries on his spine and legs making him temporarily wheelchair bound, to walking on his own now with just his braces. There are lots of IEP meetings, therapies, Special Olympics activities, hospital and doctor visits and other things that require much more attention than the other kids. Zeke is also one of my kids that likes to pocket things that don't belong to him, so in addition to it being a physical struggle to get him through a store, I also have to watch him like a hawk. Chronologically, Zeke is 11, which means he'll be hitting puberty soon. Socially, he's more like a 2-3 year old. Emotionally, probably 4-5. Educationally, he's about 8 years old. Zeke requires a lot of time and attention and probably always will.

We also have other children with emotional special needs. Thank goodness for good therapists and friends that are only a phone call away.

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Sleep Issues

 This is kind of a weird one but I'll try to describe it anyway. A few of my children from foster care (Riley & Zeke) can sleep anywhere. In fact, for quite a few years, Riley actually preferred to sleep on the floor if we would let him. It didn't matter where he was or who he was with, Riley was so used to various sleeping places in his past that he could sleep anywhere. This picture was taken a few years ago in the lobby of a hotel.

On the other hand, I have two kids from foster care (Anthony & Sophia) that literally go crazy when they have to sleep somewhere else. Going to bed doesn't bother them. It's after they're almost asleep that they fight the sleep. They seem to not really know where they were.

Anthony doesn't do this much anymore but the first three years he lived with us, sleep was challenging. At home it was usually ok as long as I rocked him until he fell asleep. If we were anywhere else, he would almost fall asleep and then he would start screaming. I remember one time we were staying with a friend of Steve's in Oklahoma for Staci's graduation and Anthony screamed most of the night. He wouldn't let me hold him, he wouldn't let me put him down. He just wouldn't be comforted. I finally just took him out to our van, buckled him into his car seat and let him scream. I think he lasted until 4am. He was three years old.

Sophia still does the same thing if we're in a hotel but not to the extreme that Antony did. The reunion last month was a bit tricky the first night. By the second night, she was so tired, she didn't last as long.

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This is by no means an exhaustive list of the major differences in our family. I don't write about these kinds of things to complain. I just don't want to give anyone the mistaken impression that we have this life thing all figured out. Some days I survive just by trying to make it until bedtime. Other days, something happens with the kids that makes me remember why it's all worthwhile.

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So our family is definitely not quite normal but we're ok with that, most of the time ;)