Donut Day

Taylor usually goes grocery shopping with me early Saturday morning. I make a weekly menu and grocery list the night before. The deal Taylor and I have is that if our grocery bill stays under our $100 weekly budget, we get donuts.

Today was a donut day :-)

You Read my Mug

Trying To Be a Better Parent

My friend Kim and I are trying to hold each other accountable for our parenting. My goal for this week is to give each one of my kids a hug before bed. It might not seem like a big deal but considering the varied ages of the kids, combined with the fact that I don't really do hugs, it's a stretch.

Tonight was the first night. I started with Sophia, who I hug all the time anyway. Next was Anthony, who always wants a hug but is usually too clingy for me to feel comfortable. Both Anthony and Zeke were thrilled with a hug from me before bed. Then it was on to Taylor, who is normally very snuggly with me. But when I purposely tried to give her a hug, she ran away. I chased her down and hugged her anyway. Even though she screamed, she was trying not to smile.

Riley had a friend over and they were going to an overnight youth activity at the church tonight. I gave him his hug in the driveway before we left at 10pm. Brittney and her boyfriend drove up as we were getting ready to leave. I slowly walked up to her in the driveway and gave her a big hug.....and she let me. I was really surprised because usually she wouldn't let anyone but Gerald that close to her. As I let go and backed up, I noticed that she had a horrified look on her face. Then in a small voice she asked me, "What's wrong? Did my dog die?"

Perhaps I need to partake in this hugging thing more often.

When I told Brittney about the pact with Kim and trying to become a better parent, she informed me, "Well, you can't just go around hugging your kids!"

Not Quite Normal

I've been posting a lot about the house and fun pictures but there's more to our lives. Even though it usually looks on the outside like we have it all together as a family, we really don't. It's continually a learning process and struggle. I think all parents would say the same thing but there are things in our life that are definitely far different from "regular" families.

We are not quite normal, whatever normal is.

Here's just a sampling of some of the differences:

Stealing

When I come home, I can't just hang up my purse. Every single time, I have to take my debit card and any cash and lock it into this small safe with a combination lock. If I get lazy and don't, most of the time, the money will disappear by the time I get back to it. I have two children who will steal. I can't even count the number of times things have gone missing in our house. It's hard on me but probably even harder on siblings. Thankfully, we have one child who used to steal but has finally come to understand the value of personal property.

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Birth Families

 We have a lot of interaction with all types of birth families. This picture is of Sophia's bio paternal grandma and two of Sophia's half siblings. We ran into them at a boy scout spaghetti feed. The healthy connections are fine but there is a lot of pressure on me to make sure the situation stays appropriate for Sophia. All of these relationships are complicated.

Bio connections we maintain:

Sophia's bio mom, maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins

Sophia's paternal grandma, aunt, uncle and half-siblings

Riley, Zeke and Anthony's maternal grandparents, step-grandparents, aunts and uncle

Riley and Zeke's bio dad, paternal grandma, aunt and cousin

My bio mom, brothers, nieces and nephews

Some of my maternal aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives

Bio connections we don't maintain:

Sophia's bio father (In prison for statutory rape)

Riley, Zeke and Anthony's bio mom (our choice to maintain very limited contact)

Anthony's bio father (he has never had any contact and willingly gave up rights at birth)

My bio father & family (his choice)

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Special Needs

We have a son with cerebral palsy. In a lot of ways, he's just like other kids but in other ways, he's quite different. We've spent significant amount of time in the hospital over the past few years and gone to many hours of various therapies. It takes Zeke a lot longer to do things than other children, both physically and developmentally. He's already progressed from crawling at age 4, to walking with the aid of a walker, to complicated surgeries on his spine and legs making him temporarily wheelchair bound, to walking on his own now with just his braces. There are lots of IEP meetings, therapies, Special Olympics activities, hospital and doctor visits and other things that require much more attention than the other kids. Zeke is also one of my kids that likes to pocket things that don't belong to him, so in addition to it being a physical struggle to get him through a store, I also have to watch him like a hawk. Chronologically, Zeke is 11, which means he'll be hitting puberty soon. Socially, he's more like a 2-3 year old. Emotionally, probably 4-5. Educationally, he's about 8 years old. Zeke requires a lot of time and attention and probably always will.

We also have other children with emotional special needs. Thank goodness for good therapists and friends that are only a phone call away.

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Sleep Issues

 This is kind of a weird one but I'll try to describe it anyway. A few of my children from foster care (Riley & Zeke) can sleep anywhere. In fact, for quite a few years, Riley actually preferred to sleep on the floor if we would let him. It didn't matter where he was or who he was with, Riley was so used to various sleeping places in his past that he could sleep anywhere. This picture was taken a few years ago in the lobby of a hotel.

On the other hand, I have two kids from foster care (Anthony & Sophia) that literally go crazy when they have to sleep somewhere else. Going to bed doesn't bother them. It's after they're almost asleep that they fight the sleep. They seem to not really know where they were.

Anthony doesn't do this much anymore but the first three years he lived with us, sleep was challenging. At home it was usually ok as long as I rocked him until he fell asleep. If we were anywhere else, he would almost fall asleep and then he would start screaming. I remember one time we were staying with a friend of Steve's in Oklahoma for Staci's graduation and Anthony screamed most of the night. He wouldn't let me hold him, he wouldn't let me put him down. He just wouldn't be comforted. I finally just took him out to our van, buckled him into his car seat and let him scream. I think he lasted until 4am. He was three years old.

Sophia still does the same thing if we're in a hotel but not to the extreme that Antony did. The reunion last month was a bit tricky the first night. By the second night, she was so tired, she didn't last as long.

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This is by no means an exhaustive list of the major differences in our family. I don't write about these kinds of things to complain. I just don't want to give anyone the mistaken impression that we have this life thing all figured out. Some days I survive just by trying to make it until bedtime. Other days, something happens with the kids that makes me remember why it's all worthwhile.

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So our family is definitely not quite normal but we're ok with that, most of the time ;)

I Never Read the Book

So this morning, I get all the kids ready and five of them dropped off at school. I just got home, unloaded Sophia, put in a load of laundry, started the dishwasher and was getting ready for my 10am meeting when I received an email from my husband. He forgot both his phone and his work badge at home and wanted me to deliver them.

Option #1  - Be a nice wife and take them. I haven't read the the 'How To Be a Good Wife' book yet, but I'm pretty sure it's in there.

Option #2 - Respond to the email and let him know I'm busy this morning. Let him suffer the natural consequences. It's not like this is the first time he's forgotten stuff and he could come home over his lunch hour.

Option #3 - Just pretend I never saw the email in time. Bad, I know. But normally I don't have my phone right with me when I'm at home anyway. It's only because I'm expecting a phone call that it was in my pocket.

I opted to be a nice wife today, even though it was super inconvenient. I loaded the three children at home (one human, two canine) into the van and we headed to the bank.

House - Interior

Thanks to Steve and my dad, the interior wall is now completed, including sheetrock and new outlets.

They finished it Wed afternoon while my mom and I took Anthony and Sophia to Sioux Falls for Anthony's therapy appointment.