I was excited this morning when school was two hours late and I was super excited when it was called off completely. Twelve hours and six kids later, I'm really hoping there is school tomorrow :)
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Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Maybe.....
Been waiting for an open and honest post on the new blog? Tonight's the night. It's probably a long story so feel free to skip to the pictures in the other posts if you're easily bored by long stories. I won't be offended. I really don't write for anyone but myself because it helps me process. The rest of you just get to suffer through my ramblings.
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I don't even know where to begin with the story tonight. It could have started a few months ago when my birth mom told me she was moving from Minneapolis to Kentucky. It might have started 4-5 weeks ago when she told me she would call the next day and even though I left her multiple messages, I never heard from her again until this morning. It might have started 36 years ago when I was placed for adoption. It's all kind of a tangled mess. It wouldn't be nearly so complicated if I didn't care about her so much. Ironically, I can speak in front of hundreds of people and not break a sweat. I've been bungee jumping and swimming with sharks. I'm not scared of much of anything and I don't usually adapt my behavior and bend to peer pressure because I'm a firm believer in being true to God and myself. So what's the problem? Why does this scare me so much?
To begin with, I have a birth mom who is very self-centered. I've known her since I was 20 years old, but usually I feel like I don't really know her at all. In some ways we're a lot alike but in other ways we're very different. (another post for another time). There are lots of issues that go along with adoption but my thoughts tonight concern the fact that my birthmom appears to want a daughter but either doesn't want to take the time to invest in a real relationship or maybe she just doesn't know how.
I can't help but compare the relationship with her to the one I have with my (adoptive) mom. My mom here is always accessible and has always acted like a parent. Because of issues I have with attachment and a super strong will, I haven't always been the easiest child to parent. But my parents always stuck with me. The relationship with my birthmom is one of spurts of non-communication and inaccessibility. I've tried to keep a relationship going through visits, phone calls, texts, etc and sometimes it's reciprocated and sometimes it's not. There are a lot of "foo-foo" words that come my way when the comunication flows. "Love you!" "Miss you!" "Wish we could spend more time together!" seem to come easily for her. I used to long for those words but quickly came to realize that they don't really mean anything. Words are easy. Actions and follow-through are harder.
For a long time, I could take or leave any relationship, but not the one with my birth mom. No matter how many times she ditched out on plans she made with me or "forgot" to return phone calls for weeks or months or called to chew me out over things she perceived I had done wrong, I still felt an intense longing for her acceptance, physical presence or even just her voice.
The grown-up part of me wants to ditch the whole relationship. There are enough good people in my life that I don't need this. The child in me says to keep trying. She is, after all, my mom. The christian part of me says to honor my mother, although I'm not really sure what that looks like in this situation.
Anyway, the situation tonight is as follows:
I texted my birthmom a few months ago, shortly after she told me she would be moving. I knew that once she moved from MN to KY, I would probably never see her in person again. When you've been torn away from someone once, the second time really knocks you out. Anyway, we texted back and forth one day, and through the course of the conversation, I told her it would be nice to spend some time together before she moved away. Then she told me she would call me the next day but I didn't hear from her for months. I tried calling and texting but never received any kind of response. I had no idea when she was moving or if she had already moved. I had given up on her again when I finally heard from her this morning around 9am. She left me a voicemail saying nothing more than "I'm going to sleep now but give me a call after 6 tonight".
So all day, I was wavering between calling and not calling. Can she just pop in and out of my life and not talk to me for months and I'm ok with that? But just like always, I called her back. We only talked for a few minutes before she had to go. It turns out that she wants the two of us to spend the weekend in Sioux Falls. I immediately said yes even though the logical part of me says that according to past history, I'll probably be disapointed. There will probably be some reason that she won't be able to make it. And then I won't hear from her for another few weeks or months. She'll move far away and I'll never see her again.
Or maybe, just this once, she'll follow through on what she's promised and we'll have a really great weekend. I can at least hold on to that until Friday :)
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I don't even know where to begin with the story tonight. It could have started a few months ago when my birth mom told me she was moving from Minneapolis to Kentucky. It might have started 4-5 weeks ago when she told me she would call the next day and even though I left her multiple messages, I never heard from her again until this morning. It might have started 36 years ago when I was placed for adoption. It's all kind of a tangled mess. It wouldn't be nearly so complicated if I didn't care about her so much. Ironically, I can speak in front of hundreds of people and not break a sweat. I've been bungee jumping and swimming with sharks. I'm not scared of much of anything and I don't usually adapt my behavior and bend to peer pressure because I'm a firm believer in being true to God and myself. So what's the problem? Why does this scare me so much?
To begin with, I have a birth mom who is very self-centered. I've known her since I was 20 years old, but usually I feel like I don't really know her at all. In some ways we're a lot alike but in other ways we're very different. (another post for another time). There are lots of issues that go along with adoption but my thoughts tonight concern the fact that my birthmom appears to want a daughter but either doesn't want to take the time to invest in a real relationship or maybe she just doesn't know how.
I can't help but compare the relationship with her to the one I have with my (adoptive) mom. My mom here is always accessible and has always acted like a parent. Because of issues I have with attachment and a super strong will, I haven't always been the easiest child to parent. But my parents always stuck with me. The relationship with my birthmom is one of spurts of non-communication and inaccessibility. I've tried to keep a relationship going through visits, phone calls, texts, etc and sometimes it's reciprocated and sometimes it's not. There are a lot of "foo-foo" words that come my way when the comunication flows. "Love you!" "Miss you!" "Wish we could spend more time together!" seem to come easily for her. I used to long for those words but quickly came to realize that they don't really mean anything. Words are easy. Actions and follow-through are harder.
For a long time, I could take or leave any relationship, but not the one with my birth mom. No matter how many times she ditched out on plans she made with me or "forgot" to return phone calls for weeks or months or called to chew me out over things she perceived I had done wrong, I still felt an intense longing for her acceptance, physical presence or even just her voice.
The grown-up part of me wants to ditch the whole relationship. There are enough good people in my life that I don't need this. The child in me says to keep trying. She is, after all, my mom. The christian part of me says to honor my mother, although I'm not really sure what that looks like in this situation.
Anyway, the situation tonight is as follows:
I texted my birthmom a few months ago, shortly after she told me she would be moving. I knew that once she moved from MN to KY, I would probably never see her in person again. When you've been torn away from someone once, the second time really knocks you out. Anyway, we texted back and forth one day, and through the course of the conversation, I told her it would be nice to spend some time together before she moved away. Then she told me she would call me the next day but I didn't hear from her for months. I tried calling and texting but never received any kind of response. I had no idea when she was moving or if she had already moved. I had given up on her again when I finally heard from her this morning around 9am. She left me a voicemail saying nothing more than "I'm going to sleep now but give me a call after 6 tonight".
So all day, I was wavering between calling and not calling. Can she just pop in and out of my life and not talk to me for months and I'm ok with that? But just like always, I called her back. We only talked for a few minutes before she had to go. It turns out that she wants the two of us to spend the weekend in Sioux Falls. I immediately said yes even though the logical part of me says that according to past history, I'll probably be disapointed. There will probably be some reason that she won't be able to make it. And then I won't hear from her for another few weeks or months. She'll move far away and I'll never see her again.
Or maybe, just this once, she'll follow through on what she's promised and we'll have a really great weekend. I can at least hold on to that until Friday :)
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Riley Says
I know my parenting style is getting through to the kids when the dog peed on the carpet and I hear Riley tell her, "That's not a wise choice."
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School's Out at 1pm
This is all that three teenage girls could come up with to do
when they got out of school early.
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This is what Riley & Anthony chose to do.
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Taylor had to stay in her room because she was sick earlier.
She's not very happy about that!
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Zeke's reading his bible again.
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Here's my fun afternoon activity.
Loads and loads of laundry :)
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Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Amazing Gramdma Sandy
Gramdma Sandy
Came over and got all of the Nots out of my yarn!!
By Taylor Anne Wilkins
Came over and got all of the Nots out of my yarn!!
By Taylor Anne Wilkins
LOL!
So I just realized that when I was in the middle of downloading Brittney's gymnastics pictures and ran downstairs to switch the laundry, Taylor got on my computer. At least she was downloading something appropriate this time. She posted a tribute to Moms:)
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BHS Gymnastics
The gymnastics season is over for this year.
Here are a few random shots of Brittney.
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Loving Mom's!!
This was took in Rapidciay
Thank God for all the Wondful MOM'S
BY TAYLOR ANNE WILKINS
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Oops!
I saw on Steve's facebook that someone had adopted some kids and I was asking him who she was and how he knew her.
He responded with, "That's the girl I live with."
WHAT?!!
Apparently he meant to say "the girl I went to college with."
Never fear, I'm still the only girl he's lived with :)
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He responded with, "That's the girl I live with."
WHAT?!!
Apparently he meant to say "the girl I went to college with."
Never fear, I'm still the only girl he's lived with :)
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Bits & Pieces
I'm having a mini-emergency this morning! I've apparently run out of creamer and somehow didn't realize it until I tried to make my coffee. I guess now I'll HAVE to go to the store today.
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Yesterday when I took Sophia to the dentist in Sioux Falls, I ended up running into a friend. The dentist was running late but I didn't even notice because we were too busy talking. I think the person sitting next to me thought we were a little crazy because both of us kept referring to the large numbers of kids in our houses (we both have 6) but eventually she just jumped right in to the conversation too. It's getting harder and harder to convince people that I don't like to socialize! Anyway, the new dentist was a good experience and I think I'll switch all of our kids to Sioux Falls.
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Last night we had a pasta party. All that's needed is pasta, sauce and friends! I made mac & cheese, chicken nuggets and applesuace for everyone under 10. While they were eating, I made fettuccine alfredo and mixed cheese tortelline for the adults. One of my friends brought french bread and the pasta party was complete! I think somewhere there's a video floating around of me playing Just Dance 3 on the Wii but I've already threatened a painful punishment if it surfaces!
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Brittney went to the dance at the Middle School last night. I haven't asked her how it went yet but when I went downstairs a few minutes ago, there were three teenage girls crashed out on the couches. I think they plan to go to the hockey tournament today when they get up. We'll see which small child wakes them up and gets yelled at first. My money's on Taylor.
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This morning, Riley, Taylor and Anthony will be going to the SDSU basketball clinic. It's Steve's Saturday morning to work at the bank until noon and then he's at the Swiftel Center this afternoon/evening for a basketball tournament. I'll probably deliver the girls to hockey at some point, pick up and drop off the other three kids at the college and then stay home and do lots of laundry and cleaning.
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Yesterday in Sioux Falls I also picked up Steve's stuff for the Summit League Basketball tournament, including two tickets to every game. For the past three years, he's worked in the media room for the tournament and one of the benefits is free tickets, which he gives to me. I thought the friend who went with me the past few years would be busy this year but now she's able to go. She probably needs a little fun distraction anyway since she's having a really rough year and just hit another big bump in the road. I was just going to the games on Saturday and Sunday but now I'm thinking about going on Monday and Tuesday too if our teams qualify. We'll see.
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I did get another call from school last night. It's the first one since before Christmas. Except it wasn't for Anthony or Riley. It was Zeke's teacher. I'd already known it might be coming because I ran into one of the TA's after school and she told me what happened. The short version is that Zeke was messing around in class and refusing to do what the teachers asked him to do. Then he was smirking at them when they tried to correct him. Needless to say, that didn't go over well with his main teacher. She and I are definitely on the same page when it comes to Zeke. He tends to try to act cute and get away with things that he knows he shouldn't. He's really smart and knows when there are teachers around who aren't as strict with him and let him get away with things he shouldn't. One of the other issues is that his main resource room teacher is currently out on maternity leave and Zeke doesn't deal with change very well. Hopefully, between his teacher, the other staff and myself, we'll get him turned back around. He wasn't very happy with me after school yesterday when I picked him up right away and didn't let him go to GAP. Consequences, dear boy, consequences.
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Yesterday when I took Sophia to the dentist in Sioux Falls, I ended up running into a friend. The dentist was running late but I didn't even notice because we were too busy talking. I think the person sitting next to me thought we were a little crazy because both of us kept referring to the large numbers of kids in our houses (we both have 6) but eventually she just jumped right in to the conversation too. It's getting harder and harder to convince people that I don't like to socialize! Anyway, the new dentist was a good experience and I think I'll switch all of our kids to Sioux Falls.
.
Last night we had a pasta party. All that's needed is pasta, sauce and friends! I made mac & cheese, chicken nuggets and applesuace for everyone under 10. While they were eating, I made fettuccine alfredo and mixed cheese tortelline for the adults. One of my friends brought french bread and the pasta party was complete! I think somewhere there's a video floating around of me playing Just Dance 3 on the Wii but I've already threatened a painful punishment if it surfaces!
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Brittney went to the dance at the Middle School last night. I haven't asked her how it went yet but when I went downstairs a few minutes ago, there were three teenage girls crashed out on the couches. I think they plan to go to the hockey tournament today when they get up. We'll see which small child wakes them up and gets yelled at first. My money's on Taylor.
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This morning, Riley, Taylor and Anthony will be going to the SDSU basketball clinic. It's Steve's Saturday morning to work at the bank until noon and then he's at the Swiftel Center this afternoon/evening for a basketball tournament. I'll probably deliver the girls to hockey at some point, pick up and drop off the other three kids at the college and then stay home and do lots of laundry and cleaning.
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Yesterday in Sioux Falls I also picked up Steve's stuff for the Summit League Basketball tournament, including two tickets to every game. For the past three years, he's worked in the media room for the tournament and one of the benefits is free tickets, which he gives to me. I thought the friend who went with me the past few years would be busy this year but now she's able to go. She probably needs a little fun distraction anyway since she's having a really rough year and just hit another big bump in the road. I was just going to the games on Saturday and Sunday but now I'm thinking about going on Monday and Tuesday too if our teams qualify. We'll see.
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I did get another call from school last night. It's the first one since before Christmas. Except it wasn't for Anthony or Riley. It was Zeke's teacher. I'd already known it might be coming because I ran into one of the TA's after school and she told me what happened. The short version is that Zeke was messing around in class and refusing to do what the teachers asked him to do. Then he was smirking at them when they tried to correct him. Needless to say, that didn't go over well with his main teacher. She and I are definitely on the same page when it comes to Zeke. He tends to try to act cute and get away with things that he knows he shouldn't. He's really smart and knows when there are teachers around who aren't as strict with him and let him get away with things he shouldn't. One of the other issues is that his main resource room teacher is currently out on maternity leave and Zeke doesn't deal with change very well. Hopefully, between his teacher, the other staff and myself, we'll get him turned back around. He wasn't very happy with me after school yesterday when I picked him up right away and didn't let him go to GAP. Consequences, dear boy, consequences.
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Friday, February 24, 2012
Sioux Falls
After spending an hour with Sophia while Anthony was meeting with his therapist, then the next hour at Sophia's dentist, we finally took a lunch break at my least favorite place to eat in Sioux Falls - ChuckECheese. The two kids had a blast and i had fun watching them have fun. Sophia was so tired by the time we left at 1:30 that I thought she would fall asleep in the ChuckE car. I forgot my phone in the van so I didn't take any pictures :(
Phone
One of the kids must have been messing with my phone again because when the alarm went off this morning, I nearly hit the ceiling! Someone changed the tone setting, which I had on a nice mellow chime, to something that sounded like a cross between an emergency siren and a fire truck horn. And they had it on the loudest volume possible!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
unwilling
I was just unwillingly taken to a reunion meeting for our upcoming20th reunion. Unfortunately, i actually had a good time. I so hate it when that happens.
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Friday, February 17, 2012
Team Competition
Brit scored 8.475 on floor and 8.9 on vault during the team competition tonight. That's her highest score ever on vault at the varsity level! After Brit's events were complete, we went out for supper with my parents and niece and nephew. Good end to a good day :)
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Friday :)
Today starts another busy weekend. This morning I'll be taking Anthony to Sioux Falls for his weekly therapy appointment, then back to Brookings for lunch with a friend, then the van in to get worked on, then shuffling the kids around so I can watch Brittney at the State Gymnastics meet this afternoon. I'm still fighting this sinus junk so my voice has pretty much been gone for about three days. I'm hoping to rest up a bit this weekend but we'll see how it goes :)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Taylor Says
I was talking with my mom about starting Riley in hockey and the discussion led to the different activities that the kids are involved in and that Taylor hasn't really found what she likes. Taylor piped up and said, "I just like to sabotage."
It took us a while to determine that what she really meant was 'socialize'. Although on some days, either word seem to fit!
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It took us a while to determine that what she really meant was 'socialize'. Although on some days, either word seem to fit!
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Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Dawn - The answer to your question about what happens if the kids don't get their chores done before we leave in the morning:
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It's really rather simple. If they don't get it done on their day, they have to do that chore the next day, plus their next day's chore. Making that child have two chores on that day. For example, if they were supposed to unload the dishwasher on Monday but didn't get it done, they would have to unload the dishwasher plus do their laundry on Tuesday. And whoever was supposed to unload the dishwasher on Tuesday would then be excused from their chore that day.
You'd think that wouldn't be much of an incentive but if they have to continue a chore until the next day, that means a sibling gets out of doing that chore. That seems to be what makes the system work so well. None of them want their sibling to get a day off! And on the few occasions it does happen, the sibling who gets out of their chore usually makes such a celebration about it that it doesn't happen again!
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It's really rather simple. If they don't get it done on their day, they have to do that chore the next day, plus their next day's chore. Making that child have two chores on that day. For example, if they were supposed to unload the dishwasher on Monday but didn't get it done, they would have to unload the dishwasher plus do their laundry on Tuesday. And whoever was supposed to unload the dishwasher on Tuesday would then be excused from their chore that day.
You'd think that wouldn't be much of an incentive but if they have to continue a chore until the next day, that means a sibling gets out of doing that chore. That seems to be what makes the system work so well. None of them want their sibling to get a day off! And on the few occasions it does happen, the sibling who gets out of their chore usually makes such a celebration about it that it doesn't happen again!
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Chores
I've had a lot of people ask how we manage a household of 8. One of the ways I keep it together is by having the kids help around the house. Here's our school year chore list. They're required to finish their chores before we leave in the morning. | Mon | Tues | Wed | Thurs | Fri |
| Brush Teeth | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A |
| Make Bed | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A |
| Read 20 Minutes | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A | B R T Z A |
| Trash | Taylor | Riley | Brittney | Anthony | Zeke |
| Unload Dishwasher | Zeke | Taylor | Riley | Brittney | Anthony |
| Laundry | Anthony | Zeke | Taylor | Riley | Brittney |
| Sweep Kitchen/Bathroom Floor | Brittney | Anthony | Zeke | Taylor | Riley |
| Wipe Off Tables/Counters | Riley | Brittney | Anthony | Zeke | Taylor |
Brit's Sick
Brittney was sick yesterday. She called in the morning while I was at work and asked me to come get her. I told her I'd be right there, told my co-workers that I was leaving and I'd be back as soon as I got her settled in. I picked up my coat and then realized I didn't have a vehicle. I'd taken it to WWTire to have some work done. Thank goodness for Sandy, my mother-in-law, who picked up Brittney and took her home. Then Sandy went back to our house around 1pm to check on Brit and let the dog out. Later, she had to come back to work for me shortly before 4pm, just in time to run Taylor to piano lessons and then pick up Riley from detention at school. ( Another post for another day). Then we took Riley to piano lessons and went to pick up my van. They had finished what they could but I have to take it back on Thursday when they have the rest of the parts. By the time we got home, Brittney wasn't throwing up anymore but she just laid on the floor and didn't move. She's really frustrated about being sick because the State Gymnastics Meet begins on Friday and she wanted to be practicing for it. She was actually moving and drinking by the time I went to bed last night so hopefully the worst is over.
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Sunday, February 12, 2012
Date Night
Last night we took the two youngest girls to my sister's house and Brittney kept the three boys at home so we could go out with some friends. I hadn't realized how seldom Steve and I are together anymore without kids. We went to Cubby's for an hour or two, then went bowling and eventually ended up back at our house. The intent of the evening was to introduce two of our single friends who didn't know each other. Our motive was purely selfish: we like hanging out with both of them and it would be really convenient for us if they started dating ;).
I have no idea if they had fun but Steve and I did! If/when Sophia is adopted, we're starting a monthly date night again. There was a year or so, not too long after we had adopted the boys, when we used respite funds to to hire babysitters so we could attend parenting meetings once a month in Sioux Falls through Children's Home Society. Respite funds involve money provided by the state and paid directly to alternate caregivers, specifically for care of children with special needs when their adoptive parents need to temporarily utilize another caregiver. It did give us time to talk together on the drive and the meetings were beneficial but it's not the same as having fun together. I realized again last night that we still enjoy activities together! So date night will be starting up again as soon as we can utilize our "free" 13 year old babysitter! Maybe even before that if I can have one of our authorized people keep Sophia and I can keep bargining with Brittney for babysitting time!
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I have no idea if they had fun but Steve and I did! If/when Sophia is adopted, we're starting a monthly date night again. There was a year or so, not too long after we had adopted the boys, when we used respite funds to to hire babysitters so we could attend parenting meetings once a month in Sioux Falls through Children's Home Society. Respite funds involve money provided by the state and paid directly to alternate caregivers, specifically for care of children with special needs when their adoptive parents need to temporarily utilize another caregiver. It did give us time to talk together on the drive and the meetings were beneficial but it's not the same as having fun together. I realized again last night that we still enjoy activities together! So date night will be starting up again as soon as we can utilize our "free" 13 year old babysitter! Maybe even before that if I can have one of our authorized people keep Sophia and I can keep bargining with Brittney for babysitting time!
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Saturday, February 11, 2012
My Peaceful Shower
I wonder if anyone else pretends they can't hear anything when they're in the shower. Maybe it's just me. This afternoon I decided to take a longer shower just to have a few minutes of peace on a Saturday - and to shave my legs for the first time in who knows how long. My peaceful shower was anything but peaceful :)As I turned on the water, I heard the first knock. I pretended not to hear but the knocking continued, followed by Zeke's voice saying, "Mom! Can I come in? I just want to. Can I come in? Mom! Mom?" I didn't respond and eventually he wandered away.
A few seconds later as I was stepping into the shower, I heard the second person knocking. Again, I didn't respond. Riley started yelling, "Mommmmm!!!! Taylor stole my two dollars when I was sleeping. Make her give them back. Mommmmmm!!! Again, I choose silence as my best option.
Soon I hear screaming and then Brittney's voice at the door. "MOM!! Can you please control your children!"
A few minutes later, I heard Taylor's voice at the door yelling, "Mom!!!! Zeke is in the office and I told him to get out and he's still sitting there! Mom!!! Make him get out!" All I can do is sigh.
While the water was running through my hair, I hear a tiny knock, over and over. That little voice just kept repeating, "Mom! Come in? Mom! Come in? Mom! Come in?"
The next knock was followed by Brittney's all-important shower-interupting question, "Did you know that Laura Ingalls Wilder's dad built the railroad tracks behind our house?!!"
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I'm suprised they haven't taught the dog to knock on the bathroom door yet.
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A few seconds later as I was stepping into the shower, I heard the second person knocking. Again, I didn't respond. Riley started yelling, "Mommmmm!!!! Taylor stole my two dollars when I was sleeping. Make her give them back. Mommmmmm!!! Again, I choose silence as my best option.
Soon I hear screaming and then Brittney's voice at the door. "MOM!! Can you please control your children!"
A few minutes later, I heard Taylor's voice at the door yelling, "Mom!!!! Zeke is in the office and I told him to get out and he's still sitting there! Mom!!! Make him get out!" All I can do is sigh.
While the water was running through my hair, I hear a tiny knock, over and over. That little voice just kept repeating, "Mom! Come in? Mom! Come in? Mom! Come in?"
The next knock was followed by Brittney's all-important shower-interupting question, "Did you know that Laura Ingalls Wilder's dad built the railroad tracks behind our house?!!"
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I'm suprised they haven't taught the dog to knock on the bathroom door yet.
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Meet the newest member of our family, Gypsy!
She is a yorkie-poo, a year old, trained, hardly barks, loves to play and sleep and is very tiny.
Best guess is that she's only 5 lbs.
The kids adore her and so far have been very helpful in taking her outside.
Best of all, she was completely free and came with lots of stuff :)
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Special Olympics Regional Bowling Tournament
Zeke received two ribbons for bowling at the regional tournament in Mitchell.
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Here I think he's showing off his bowling shoes
to one of his coaches.
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Friday, February 10, 2012
Anthony
I'm sitting at Anthony's therapy appointment. This is the most quiet I've experienced at once in a long time.
He has been doing really well at school and at home since Christmas. He's stayed on green every day except one. Before Christmas, I don't think he stayed on green longer than the first hour of school. FYI the colors are the cards the teacher uses for the kids in class. She has them change the cards to another color as their behavior necessitates. Anthony used to come home every day and tell me he had been on red. I'm so relieved that we seem to have gotten over the toughest part of the year for him. He isn't struggling over issues with authority so much any more either.
So what have we changed that seems to have made the difference? First of all, we got Anthony into counseling right away when the issues started to escalate. I made sure to find someone who was qualified, experienced in attachment and adoption, referred by people I trusted, and someone who I liked and felt comfortable with, as did Anthony. So every Friday, we make sure Anthony gets to Sioux Falls for his hour appointment.
Another thing that I have tried to be very intentional about is not putting Anthony into situations where I am setting him up to fail. So instead of participating in high stress chaotic situations, I've chosen to keep anthony with me anytime he wasn't in school. For him that meant no Boys & Girls Club after school, no Sunday school class on Sunday mornings, no church on Wednesday nights, and no extra activities. He wasn't in trouble or in time out during those times, he just had to be with me or Steve. Now that we've gotten him a lot more regulated, we've begun to add in some of the activities again.
Something else that seems to work well with Anthony is that instead of telling him what to do, I give him two choices, both of which I can live with. That way he feels like he has some control.
We also give him as much advanced notice about transitions as possible. He does really well if he knows what to expect.
One of the most important things in helping to regulate his behavior is making sure that he gets weekly phone contact with his foster mom Betty. :)
I'm sure we'll continue to have issues but at least we've rounded the corner for this fall season.
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He has been doing really well at school and at home since Christmas. He's stayed on green every day except one. Before Christmas, I don't think he stayed on green longer than the first hour of school. FYI the colors are the cards the teacher uses for the kids in class. She has them change the cards to another color as their behavior necessitates. Anthony used to come home every day and tell me he had been on red. I'm so relieved that we seem to have gotten over the toughest part of the year for him. He isn't struggling over issues with authority so much any more either.
So what have we changed that seems to have made the difference? First of all, we got Anthony into counseling right away when the issues started to escalate. I made sure to find someone who was qualified, experienced in attachment and adoption, referred by people I trusted, and someone who I liked and felt comfortable with, as did Anthony. So every Friday, we make sure Anthony gets to Sioux Falls for his hour appointment.
Another thing that I have tried to be very intentional about is not putting Anthony into situations where I am setting him up to fail. So instead of participating in high stress chaotic situations, I've chosen to keep anthony with me anytime he wasn't in school. For him that meant no Boys & Girls Club after school, no Sunday school class on Sunday mornings, no church on Wednesday nights, and no extra activities. He wasn't in trouble or in time out during those times, he just had to be with me or Steve. Now that we've gotten him a lot more regulated, we've begun to add in some of the activities again.
Something else that seems to work well with Anthony is that instead of telling him what to do, I give him two choices, both of which I can live with. That way he feels like he has some control.
We also give him as much advanced notice about transitions as possible. He does really well if he knows what to expect.
One of the most important things in helping to regulate his behavior is making sure that he gets weekly phone contact with his foster mom Betty. :)
I'm sure we'll continue to have issues but at least we've rounded the corner for this fall season.
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Ole
Today I saw a FB post from a friend who said her husband was bothering her and asked if any other wives had husbands who bother them. (PS they are still very much in love, just temporarily bothered :)
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This post is in honor of my Grandma McKeown, a proud Norwegin.
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Ole is getting ready to celebrate his 50th anniversary and Sven says, "Vhat are you going to do for your anniversary?"
Ole says "Vell, for my 20th anniversary I took Lena to Norvay". Sven says, "Dats nice, so vhat are you going to do to top dat?"
Ole says, "I tink I'll go pick her up."
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Riley
Contact with Riley's birthmom has been going well. She asked, via text, if she could call every Saturday and I agreed. Last Saturday went by with out a call but I did get a text at 8pm asking if it was too late to call. Riley was in bed but I checked on him just in case. He was already asleep though. We didn't really have time for an extended phone call throughout the week but I had him call after I picked him up at the Club on Wednesday. He only had an hour before he was supposed to be at church so I handed him the phone in the van. Probably not the best because of all the other kids making noise but it was the only free time Riley had. He talked a little bit on the short drive home and when we pulled into the driveway, he told her he had to go. I whispered that he could keep talking in the house and he shook his head no. I guess that's all talking he wanted to do that night. I think now that the initial contact has been made, the need has worn off quite a bit for him. .
Sophia Says
This morning when Zeke came out of his room, Sophia pointed at him and said, "bed!", telling him to go back to bed. When he remained standing there, she started counting, "One, two, one, two!"
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Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I've been too busy adding email addresses to really post anything :)
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Here's another reason that the blog went private. I finally decided that I wasn't letting my birthmom have access to information in my life without her having to share something from her life. More on that later.
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Steve got me an amazing new phone that I'm slowly learning how to use.
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Here's another reason that the blog went private. I finally decided that I wasn't letting my birthmom have access to information in my life without her having to share something from her life. More on that later.
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Steve got me an amazing new phone that I'm slowly learning how to use.
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Sunday, February 5, 2012
No Word Yet
Still no word on when the next court hearing will be scheduled for the little one. I'm hoping to at least hear something early next week.
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Brittney's Gymnastics
Brittney qualified for the State Gymnastics tournament with her floor routine! As an eighth grader! She competed yesterday at the ESD qualifying tournament and was just having fun because she really didn't think there was any way she would qualify against all the varsity gymnasts from Brookings and all the other schools (I think there were 8-10 schools, basically all the varsity gymnists in eastern South Dakota). But she did qualify! She receive an 8.65 and an 8.7 on her routine. We're so proud of her. Not because she's doing so well but because her hard work is paying off. That's one of the things we try to instill in our children but sometimes it's hard in life when it feels like nothing you do counts for anything or gets results. So it's nice when a little reward like qualifying for state comes along and makes her feel like it's all worthwhile :)
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After the meet yesterday, all the varsity gymnasts went to one gymnasts house, sat in her hot tub, ate pizza and watched a movie. I don't even know what time she finally got home.
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The State Gymnastics meet is Friday Feb 17 & Sat Feb 18th at the Swiftel Center in Brookings. Team competition is on Friday (Brittney will possibly be competing with her team, maybe floor & vault) and Individuals will be on Sat (Brit will definitely be competing on Floor). Just a heads-up - it will cost $10 per adult to get in to watch but anyone is welcome.
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After the meet yesterday, all the varsity gymnasts went to one gymnasts house, sat in her hot tub, ate pizza and watched a movie. I don't even know what time she finally got home.
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The State Gymnastics meet is Friday Feb 17 & Sat Feb 18th at the Swiftel Center in Brookings. Team competition is on Friday (Brittney will possibly be competing with her team, maybe floor & vault) and Individuals will be on Sat (Brit will definitely be competing on Floor). Just a heads-up - it will cost $10 per adult to get in to watch but anyone is welcome.
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Thursday, February 2, 2012
my posts have been kind of short on this blog so far because i've been doing all the entering on ny phone instead of my computer. i havenkt been home long enough for anything else lately. the little one has been running a high temp so i took her into the doctor today. just a nasty virus so shekll have to wait it out. SDSU basketball game tonight with taylor & riley. they got free tickets from school & steve got tickets for us from the bank. we got free SDSU icecream too. tomorrow ikm off to sioux falls in the morning B watertown in the evening. i think i'll have a little time to write inbetween :)
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Birthmom
Our boys' birthmom has had two additional children since our boys were removed from her care. We've just resumed contact with her and Riley has had two phone conversations with her and I thought they were going well.
Then I was informed by someone from their area this weekend that their family is currently under investigation because one of the children in their home has an "unexplained" broken leg.
In my book, that ranks right up there with Anthony's "unexplained" skull fracture when he was nine months old.
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Then I was informed by someone from their area this weekend that their family is currently under investigation because one of the children in their home has an "unexplained" broken leg.
In my book, that ranks right up there with Anthony's "unexplained" skull fracture when he was nine months old.
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Court Postponed
One of the principal people involved in our court case had an immediate relative who was killed in a shooting spree in Madison SD last night. That's why court for our little one was postponed. It may be another week or longer before we know when the next court date will be.
Court
Court didn't go as well as we hoped. Parental rights were terminated on S's bio dad but we'll have to go back to court later for bio mom's rights. More info to follow. Now I'm delivering R to a swimming party.
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Court
We have court for S today. Sounds like it should be a formality and will go quickly. Scheduled to begin juvenile court at 9:30am but we never know which case they will call first. The hope is that all parental rights will be terminated today..
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