Anthony

I'm sitting at Anthony's therapy appointment. This is the most quiet I've experienced at once in a long time.
He has been doing really well at school and at home since Christmas. He's stayed on green every day except one. Before Christmas, I don't think he stayed on green longer than the first hour of school. FYI the colors are the cards the teacher uses for the kids in class. She has them change the cards to another color as their behavior necessitates. Anthony used to come home every day and tell me he had been on red. I'm so relieved that we seem to have gotten over the toughest part of the year for him. He isn't struggling over issues with authority so much any more either.
 So what have we changed that seems to have made the difference? First of all, we got Anthony into counseling right away when the issues started to escalate. I made sure to find someone who was qualified, experienced in attachment and adoption, referred by people I trusted, and someone who I liked and felt comfortable with, as did Anthony. So every Friday, we make sure Anthony gets to Sioux Falls for his hour appointment.
 Another thing that I have tried to be very intentional about is not putting Anthony into situations where I am setting him up to fail. So instead of participating in high stress chaotic situations, I've chosen to keep anthony with me anytime he wasn't in school. For him that meant no Boys & Girls Club after school, no Sunday school class on Sunday mornings, no church on Wednesday nights, and no extra activities. He wasn't in trouble or in time out during those times, he just had to be with me or Steve. Now that we've gotten him a lot more regulated, we've begun to add in some of the activities again.
 Something else that seems to work well with Anthony is that instead of telling him what to do, I give him two choices, both of which I can live with. That way he feels like he has some control.
We also give him as much advanced notice about transitions as possible. He does really well if he knows what to expect.
One of the most important things in helping to regulate his behavior is making sure that he gets weekly phone contact with his foster mom Betty. :)
I'm sure we'll continue to have issues but at least we've rounded the corner for this fall season.
.