I was hoping that I could write this and say that everything
was fine but that isn’t exactly the case.
Here’s the story. It’s a long one so
settle in.
Part 1: A Little Bit of Anthony’s History:
It begins with a little two year old boy named Anthony. From
the time this little boy was born until he was nine months old, he spent most
of his time in a car seat. By that point, he was labeled as a failure to thrive
baby because, among other things, he had very little muscle tone, wasn’t
hitting developmental milestones and wouldn’t look people in the eye. He didn’t appear to have any kind of
emotional bond with either of his bio parents at all. His family had been known
to Social Services since the birth of his brother and the department had an
ongoing relationship with the family. The family had issues with alcohol, drugs,
neglect, physical abuse, unemployment, homelessness - the kids even lived with
mom in her car for a while.
Anthony was placed in state custody shortly after it was
discovered that he had a skull fracture, which was unexplained by the bio
parents. He lived for a while with dad and then a bio grandma, who wasn’t able
to care for all three little boys, especially with the significant needs of the
other two boys (that’s another story for another time). He was then placed in
foster care with a family that had other special needs foster children and also
ran a daycare. About two months later,
the other two boys were removed and placed in a different foster home.
Anthony was placed with us for adoption at the age of 23
months, just one month short of his second birthday. For three or four months,
we had visits with the boys. We would meet the foster parents in Sioux Falls
and transfer the kids from one vehicle to another. Anthony would panic during
every transfer, no matter which way he was going. The boys would be with us for
anywhere from a few hours to an overnight stay to a four day weekend stay.
Eventually, Anthony’s foster mom said the transitions were too hard on him and
pushed social services to hurry the switch in placement so he didn’t have to
shuffle back and forth all the time, which was really confusing for him.
For the first six months he lived with us, he would cry
whenever someone came to our door with a coat on because he thought he had to
go with them. I rocked him to sleep every night just to try to keep a close physical
contact with him and let him know I was there for him. He continued to have
panic attacks at the mention of his bio mom’s name and with certain other
triggers, which we weren’t always aware of until after he panicked. The fall season
in general is a huge trigger for all three of our boys, but that’s another post
for another time too.
Some of the things we thought were cute when Anthony was
little, when we look back, were actually significant clues to his thought
process. Even at the age of two, when something would happen, Anthony always
blamed someone or something else. When he would be running, stumble and hit the
wall, he would point his finger at the wall and yell at it in baby babble because
it was the walls fault. He would do the same thing with toys that he broke.
Needless to say, the older he gets, the more of a challenge this presents,
especially in a school setting.
Anthony also has significant sensory issues. He touches
anything and everything, including people. He seems to have no concept of the
feelings they have about the extent of his touch. At the same time, it’s
nothing for a teacher, parent, sibling or another adult to try to guide Anthony
and have him yell that they’re hurting him. He truly believes that it hurts. He’s
not lying. His sensory input just seems to be all messed up. Thanks again bio
parents. Anthony has also had a very hard time accepting any kind of authority
and it seems to be getting worse the older he gets. He seems to have very
little concept of consequences of his own behavior. His teacher, his therapist
and I all agree he has some degree of reactive attachment disorder and oppositional
defiant disorder and very possibly some degree of fetal alcohol effect (a
lesser form of fetal alcohol syndrome) which makes it hard for him to reason
and draw conclusions. I’d blog about those but I’m running out of time so just
utilize my good friend Google if you want more info on them J. Anthony’s actually a
very smart little boy and he looks very “normal” so it’s hard for some people
to comprehend the extent of his issues unless they spend an extended amount of
time with him, which makes it extra difficult in situations like this.
The short version is that Anthony had a mark under his eye
(not really even a bruise or a scratch) which he received when Steve was trying to cover
his mouth when Anthony was screaming at the top of his lungs - after repeatedly being warned to be quiet
at night when Zeke was already asleep. Anthony pulled away and Steve’s hand
left the mark. BTW: The screaming began because Anthony was asked to put his
pajamas on because it was bedtime. Then Anthony proceeded to very publically announce to anyone who would listen that Dad hit him. And that folks, is reportable.
There is a full-fledged investigation which will occur all
day tomorrow by a social worker from Huron. As soon as I have time to download
it, I’ll post a picture of Anthony taken less than 24 hours after the alleged
incident. You’ll have to see if you can even make out the mark.
.
