Crabby

So I never did make it to church. I dropped off three of the kids though. I did end up at Chocolatte for coffee and was glad I went. I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately but it's either that or alcohol so I probably better stick with the coffee.

I've just been in a really down mood lately. I'm not exactly sure why but I think it's a combination of things.

1) I feel like I don't have a connection anymore to the friends/co-workers at headstart. Any ending relationships are extremely difficult for me. The argument has been made by my therapist that the personal relationship doesn't have to end just because the work relationship is over but I don't transition well. I usually just walk away.

2) Some friends of ours are adopting (not a baby) and it's been a struggle for me because I understand quite a few of the confusing feelings that little one is/will be having. I've lived through it, both in my own life, with four of my children and also with friends who have struggled through. I have a bit of insight about how hard it is and it's bringing up a lot of feelings that I'd rather not have right now. That being said, I do wish them the best and know that God has it all under control.

3) Sophia's birth mom is pregnant. She's in no better spot to parent than the last time. I feel so badly for that new little one. How long will it take for this one to be removed? And what damage will be done in the meantime? BTW: We have no intentions of taking this child at any point, unless there are absolutely NO other options.

4)I think I may have destroyed my relationship with my amazing therapist. I got angry. Enough said.

5) My birthday is coming up. I really don't care to memorialize the day that I was abandoned by my birthmom. It's not my favorite day. I haven't heard from her for a few months now. I may or may not get a sappy card for my birthday that says how much she loves me and how much I mean to her. Really? And you can't pick up the phone, text or FB message me once in a while?

Told you I was crabby. I'll try to get my act together before the next post. I think the next kid on my post list is Taylor. And Nan, if you reading this, you're on my list for lunch this week!!!!!
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