Bio Dad

Riley and Zeke's bio dad came for a visit today. I took Riley to see him for the first time last October and it went really well. Prior to that, they hadn't seen each other for eight years.

James came and took them bowling and then to Pizza Ranch. I was anticipating lots of discussion with Riley tonight but also knew we'd be dealing with a lot of emotional fallout from Zeke. He has a hard time controlling himself on a regular day, much less a really emotional one. I knew I would be in for a challenging evening. Did I mention that Steve's working at Swiftel again tonight?

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Here's a picture of Riley, James and Zeke

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The boys had fun but are on an emotional rollercoaster. I don't always know how to help them sort through their emotions when I don't even like my own emotions.  It's a work in progress.

I did have serious concerns about letting Zeke go today. I wasn't worried about his safety. I've been around bio dad before and am comfortable with him. I just wasn't sure how Zeke would react and how long it would take us to help him navigate through all of this with his level of reasoning skills. I did know we (I) would be paying for this visit for a long time through Zeke's negative behaviors. It took a while to get Zeke settled down again tonight but he's finally asleep. We'll have more to deal with tomorrow I'm sure, but for now, he's sleeping.

Riley is a different story. He and I have a very open relationship and he usually finds me and eventually starts talking. Tonight, after telling me about the positive and negative parts of his day and then combining it with discussions about the past, Riley told me he felt like crying but he wouldn't. I looked him straight in the eye and let him know that it was ok to cry

because this whole thing WAS sad.

Riley wasn't able to grow up and know his dad and his dad wasn't able to know him for the past eight years. It IS sad. Sometimes this broken world sucks. Just because there are good parts (hopefully like Steve & I, our house, his siblings, good education, able to play sports, etc.) doesn't mean that his life situation doesn't still make him sad and angry sometimes.

We talked for quite a while tonight. I told him not to be afraid of his emotions like I tend to. Riley and I spent an hour or so by ourselves in the office, mostly with him talking and me listening. He loves that I verbally give him permission to love his bio dad. 

Eventually, I could tell that he was wearing down and exhausted. He got up and came over for a hug. I told him that sometimes after having to confront hard stuff for a long time, it's ok to zone out for a while too. As long as he's dealing with the emotions first, then shutting down. Then I let him play Xbox so he could relax his brain and emotions for a while before bed.

He'll probably cry himself to sleep tonight.

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