Trust Issues

Shhhhhhhhhh!!!!!    I'm going to let you in on two little secrets.


1) I have trust issues. I don't trust anyone, although I'm gradually learning to trust a few people a bit. Ok. Maybe my trust issues aren't really a secret. But it plays into the second bit of information I'm going to share.


2) We are seriously considering moving. Not far, just to another house. One that has a dining room where our whole family could eat together. One with a bathroom just for Steve and I. One with space for the kids and some big windows for sunlight. One with a garage that would fit both of our cars and the kids' bikes. Lots of pros and a few cons. We've looked at it twice now. The price is right because it's owned by the bank but there's some serious work to be done on it.


The important fact for this story is that a number of things would have to fall into place for a move to occur. We have to be approved for a loan, we'd need to get our current house ready to sell with eight of us living here and we'd need to do some work on the 'new' house. We've done all the bank paperwork and are just waiting on the response from them before we decide to officially make an offer or not.


Steve is a dreamer and, as such, has been very actively pursuing this house. I am an eternal pessimist. My reaction is not be excited at all in case it doesn't work out. Every time I find myself getting excited, I reason myself out of it. I start to worry about finances, fixing our house, moving, being turned down by the bank, etc. As I was busy worrying once again, I very firmly heard God speak to me. Not in audible words but I heard Him just the same. As I was telling Steve this story later, I got to this point and he quickly said, "God told you we're going to get the house?!"


No. God very nicely but firmly said, "Trust me. I know what's best for you."


My old self would have argued at least a little bit. Especially if I really want the new house. It would fit us perfectly! But I know in my heart that God knows me and our situation better than I know myself. God knows if that's the right fit for us or not, He knows if that's what we need and what we can handle. Don't get me wrong, we've filled out paperwork, had contractors look at work to be completed, talked together and with others, but ultimately, it's in God's hands whether or not we make this change.


That's the first time in a long time that I've been able to confidently say that I've completely put my trust on God's shoulders for this entire process. Considering that I live my life by not trusting anyone, taking care of myself and making sure that I'm not dependent on anyone, this is circling back to where I really belong. It's impossible to live a life close to God with a trust-less mentality. So God and I are on speaking terms again and I can honestly say that there's a lot less stress when God is in control and I don't have to be!


Hopefully tomorrow I'll share one or two of the mini-stories that have already shown us God is firmly in control of this situation!
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