Circumstances Change But God Doesn't

Our situation hasn't changed at all. My attitude, however, has changed immensely. I seriously think I had to go through the stages of grief before I could really come to terms with the current chaos in our life. I say current because it seems like every few years there is some major bump in the road. Up until the last month, I was in a pretty content stage of life. It wasn't perfect but it wasn't bad either. I was taking care of everything and the bumps in the road were small. Then came the investigation. Which, by the way, we have still heard no update on at all since the big investigation Tuesday the 26th. But it doesn't matter anymore and I'll tell you why.

Initially, I felt like I was drowning and the waves were washing over my head. Every time I would bob up for a breath, a new wave would crash back over me. All I could do was flail in the water and try to bob back up for a quick breath of air before another wave came at me.

The first day I was in disbelief and shock. That wore off by the next day. Then I was angry. Very angry. How dare they accuse us of child abuse! After everything we've done for our kids and social services? During that time, I also had to try to hold it together while the boys' bio aunt and uncle spent three days with us. After they left, I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.  I spent the majority of the next two days in bed. The kids have spent more time watching TV in the last two weeks than they have all summer. I can honestly say I didn't care what they did. As some have heard me say lately, "What are they going to do? Report us?"

I'm extremely thankful for faithful friends and family that rallied around us during that dark period. It's good to know that when I don't have even a bit of energy to reach out to God, the faithful around me pick up the slack! We had people gathered to pray during the in-depth questioning last Tuesday and others who have been lifting us up in prayer this entire time. I'm thankful also for those friends who continued to stick by me even when I was not any fun to be around because I was so overwhelmed. Those who sent flowers, those who made me go for coffee or supper, those who came by just to chat, those who hugged me even when they know I don't normally hug and those who reminded me of God's words when I couldn't see them for myself.

I was so overwhelmed by the situation, and my lack of control over the situation, that I was starting to revert back to my old ways of doing everything I could to gain some control. And trust me, I have a pretty good arsenal of weapons for being controlling. The interesting dilemma about the current situation is that there are no real grounds for an A&N (abuse and neglect case). I know this is true because 1)we have compelling evidence, including photos and witnesses that can show this is not true, 2) the kids would have been removed if DSS felt they had compelling evidence, 3)Gregg, who is the states attorney for Kingsbury County, told me that there is no way this would make it into court in his county and he doubts it would anywhere else either, 4)our attorney was present during the questioning of Steve and I, and he is not concerned about a court case, 5) if we abused our children, there would be some indication during the past years when social workers, teachers and community people have been in and out of our house.

In normal circumstances, we could just cooperate with the initial investigation and then basically tell them to leave us alone or take us to court. Which they wouldn't be able to do with the lack of evidence. And even if they could get it into court, our attorney could beat the charge in a heartbeat. The glitch comes because Sophia is still in foster care. Even though she's placed with us and was on track to be adopted by the end of this month, she is still in the legal custody of Social Services. We are forced to fully cooperate or they will remove her immediately. So if we want to have any chance of being able to continue with her adoption (which is still on hold according to DSS), we have to do whatever they say. In my anger days, I was ready to go on a full-fledged media blitz. I was a public speaker in my younger days and have no problem voicing my concerns and opinions in ways that sway public opinion. If we were going to be put through the wringer, then I wanted the true story told.

The new me gave social services two weeks to conclude their investigation or file with our attorney. I was angry and I needed to do something to gain the upper hand. Social Services had all the control and we had none.

Then one of my friends reminded me that it was only when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were in the fire that the king could see what God could do. They were IN THE FIRE. A switch finally turned in my brain and I saw clearly that I wasn't to be in control of this situation. GOD IS. I can struggle for control all I want but in the end, God's will will be done. I realized that as I was drowning and the waves were crashing over my head, God's hand was under me all the time. He quietly whispered, "Stand up." When I did, I found that with God supporting me, the water wasn't as deep as I thought. I could stand confident and let the waves crash around my body but God held me higher than the circumstances around me.

We still don't know what the outcome of this will be. It's still entirely possible that Sophia's adoption will not be finialized. We already know that it won't be finalized in the timing we were wishing for. But God is sovereign and he will keep us above the storm. He might even calm it if that's what He needs to do. But even if He doesn't, we will remain faithful.
.