I have some cool stories and pictures from Colorado but first I need to write about a little side visit.
FYI: I don't cry and this almost made me cry right in a restaurant. So fair warning. Although maybe it's not a big deal to anyone but me. But it's kind of long.
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On our way back from Colorado, we stopped in Rapid City for a short visit. I wanted to make sure to say goodbye to my brother Jody and his girlfriend. We ran in to Great Clips to see Brandi for a minute and then I texted Jody to see if he could meet us for lunch. While we waited for him to respond, I decided to text one of my biological aunts, Billie, who lives in Rapid. I told her that if she was making something good for breakfast, we'd be right over.
She responded with, "Chicken. Get your @%!* over here!
I thought for a minute she was calling me a chicken and thought I was scared to come over but then I realized that she's the manager of the KFC and was inviting us for lunch.
When we got there, she gave Sara and I cups and trays so we could get whatever we wanted from the buffet. I chatted with some bio cousins who also work there and then we sat down to eat. My aunt Billie had texted another aunt, Pat, who was in town for the week to let her know that I was in town too. Pat's instructions were, "Make her keep eating until I get there!"
It's always a bit awkward for me to be around a lot of my bio family (who I didn't meet until I was 20+). When I think it through, I think it's because they're so different from the family where I was raised. It's really out of my comfort zone, although the more years I'm around them the easier it gets. But God always seems to know when I need a little extra something. As I was waiting for the rest of my bio family to show up for lunch at KFC, I looked over at the door and practically flew out of my chair. I rushed to the door, tapped Ingrid on the shoulder and when she turned around, I gave her a huge hug!
*Side note: If you know me very well at all, you know that I don't go for any kind of touching, hugging, or displays of affection. But there are a few people in life who I let bi-pass that rule. And even fewer people who I bi-pass that rule for myself. One of those people had walked through the door into KFC!
Ingrid was my mom's (Connie) roommate in college, and for most of my childhood, I actually thought that she was my aunt. I was pretty devastated when I found out that she wasn't really related at all. But as far as I'm concerned, she is just like an aunt. Not only do I love her and consider her family, but she has ended up being my rock (solid ground) a few times when I was with my bio family in Rapid City and emotionally needed some stability when I was feeling way too overwhelmed. She is part of the solid part of my past, and whether she knows it or not, I know I can lean on her and then life feels better again.
Ingrid lives in Rapid City but I wasn't going to call her when we were passing through because it was Sunday morning and I knew she'd be in church across town and we would be heading home fairly quickly. God knew I needed to see her. She and her friends decided to eat at KFC for lunch after church and there we all were!
After chatting and a few more hugs, I went back to our table. Eventually, we were eating lunch with my bio brother, two bio aunts, a couple bio cousins and one of my bio grandpa's sisters and her son. I knew we couldn't stay too long because we were really tired and I knew I didn't want to drive home in the dark. I think we ended up at KFC for a couple of hours. Right before we were going to leave, I leaned over to my aunt Pat and asked if she was there when I was born.
I didn't really expect that she had been because the story I had been told by my bio mom was that my brother Jody, who is two years older than me and has a different bio father, was supposed to be put up for adoption. But the nurse made a mistake and brought him into the hospital room and when her mom (my bio grandma) saw him, they couldn't put him up for adoption. So when I was born two years later, there were very strict instructions that I was NOT to be brought into the room at all. So as far as I knew, as a baby, I was never held or loved on by my bio mom, grandparents, aunts or any family. They never even saw me.
But when I asked Aunt Pat, she said that she WAS there when I was born. She told me how excited she was and how much she had always loved me and never stopped looking for me. I asked her if she knew my name before I was adopted and she did.
*Another side note: As an adopted child, I have a birth certificate that has my adopted name on it and my adoptive parents' names on it. I'm not allowed, by law, to have the origional birth certificate. When I was adopted, my parents wanted to know what my name had been for the first four months of my life. The social worker wouldn't/couldn't tell them. She did say that the foster parents called me Missy. My mom asked if that's because my name was Michelle or Melissa. The social worker said that she couldn't say. Which was unfortunate because they probably would have kept my given name. Unless it was something awful, like Barbie or something :)
So my aunt Pat told me my given birth name was Melissa Kay Torres. That's what I was called for four months. That's also how my birth family thought of me until they met me when I was 20 years old. Then Pat continued to tell me a story. She worked at a place like a Boys & Girls Club when she was a teenager. A boy came up to her and asked if she wanted to meet his new foster sister. She said yes and then took one look at me and knew exactly who I was. She said I looked exactly like my brother! She knew the foster family, the very foster family that I've been trying to get the state to help me find and have been plowing through tons of state paperwork and red tape to try to figure out.
With one little question, I had answers I'd been looking for for quite a while now. Aunt Pat also told me that she used to go over to the foster family's home and hold me and play with me. She did that until the state found out that she knew where I was and had me moved (which ended up being my adoptive home). I was 4 months old. She's been looking for me ever since. She cried on the day I turned 18 because there was still no word from the state that I was searching for them.
Yet another side note: In SD, an adoptee can't even begin to search or petition the court to open records until they turn 18. That's a whole post in itself. I won't go there now.
How cool is it that my aunt loved me enough to hold me and spend time with me after I was born.
I did have a bit of familiar in the unfamiliar.
I was able to hear a voice that I had known before.
I was loved and important to my birth family.
And when we left KFC yesterday, it was again with many hugs and reassurances that they loved me.
How cool is that?!
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